This is the greatest thing I’ve ever seen.

I love a great bad movie and this one looks like it’s the Citizen Kane of movie turds. This thing was playing at a theater in Farmington Hills just three months ago and I missed it! Saddest face! Prior to seeing this masterpiece of a clip my favorite bad action scene was a Cynthia Rothrock car chase in which she caught up to the bad guys she was after, blew past them down the road to some hotel, took the elevator to the top floor, took the stairs to the roof, tossed a rope over the side so she could shimmy down to street level and then – while dangling from this rope – karate kicked the bad guy’s car as it zipped by, making it flip over like eleven times and burst into flames. GLORIOUS.

If you have the time, take in Part One of this clip montage, which features our Bollywood Terminator chasing down a mosquito that had bitten the female lead, getting into an argument with the mosquito and a gang of his mosquito buddies, and then forcing it to come back with him to apologize to her. There’s also an extended fight scene that reveals that the Terminator’s fists are apparently made from empty Coke bottles. I need this movie in my life.