Say “Uncle”!

I’m going back and forth between thinking I’m the worst uncle in the world getting my niece and nephew to say bad words into a camera and realizing that they at least hear way worse at school every day.  Nevertheless, I thought it would be funny.

During my CD recording, I spoke a little bit about how my parents tried to shelter me and my brother.  That only worked until outside forces invaded.

This is the kind of kid I was.  When I was around five, my parents moved us to Sylvania, Ohio for a year.   On the first day the kid across the street came over and within minutes taught me the word “fart”.  Until then, I would say, “my pants burped.”  My mom’s sister’s family wouldn’t even say “burp”!  They’d say, “my piggy came up.”

I wasn’t broken yet.  Well, I was, just in a different way.  Back in Michigan a couple years later I was on the playground at recess with my friend Corey.  He fell off a slide and knocked out a tooth.  When he noticed he said, “shit!”  Being a good kid, I ran and got the lunch lady to….tell her Corey said a bad word.  I neglected that entire tooth business.  I kind of remember wondering if he was going to get in trouble over the bad word.  I don’t remember worrying about the tooth or the bloody mouth at all.

I remember too watching National Lampoon’s Vacation and having my parents telling me and my brother to leave the room during the entire cousin scene.  Of course that only made us want to watch the scene to find out what we were missing.  So we watched from around the corner in the kitchen.  We assumed it was the line, “Ever bop your baloney?”  We went to the refrigerator and tried to figure out what was so bad about bologna and how exactly does one, “bop” it?

I grew up with the Barbra Streisand version of A Star Is Born.  I loved and still love that movie.  In middle school in an English class we had to write our autobiography.  Mine is called A Star Is Born.   I watched that movie a lot as a kid…except for the scene where Kris Kristofferson and Babs take a bath together.  There’s no nudity, no sex, no swearing in that scene.  I guess it’s because Babs puts makeup on Kris and my mom didn’t want me watching that.  Nevermind the fact that throughout the rest of the movie Kris Kristofferson snorts almost a Scarface amount of cocaine.

Somehow that must have worked a little.  I don’t do drugs, but I do get squirmy when I have to wear makeup for TV things.

I’m not sure where I was finally broken.  I know by high school my friend John and I would drive around in his Chevelle and “bowel growl”.  That’s what we called yelling the most offensive things possible in our best death metal voices out his window.  So if you lived in Troy, Michigan and were woken up by a couple of teenagers playing demon between 1988 and 1991, I’m sorry.

So here we are in 2013 and I’ve got a potty mouth.  I don’t know how it happened.  I worked in radio for awhile and kept it clean there.  My first CD is pretty clean to the best of my memory.  I was in a punk band in the mid-90s and sang fairly preachy songs about staying clean…oh wait…there was one about eating shit and another about a friend’s penis.  Oops.  Not sure where I was going with that.

So to the best of my mom’s ability she probably didn’t want to raise a foul mouthed brat.  The good news is she didn’t.  Everyone else did!

About Mike Bobbitt

Professionally amusing to some.

Posted on June 20, 2013, in More Misadventures!, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. It only makes you a bad uncle if their parents think so, and I have it on good authority that their mom thinks it is hilarious.

  2. okay – i guess that explains a lot of stuff i didn’t know….. you make me and my family sound a triffle repressed. i guess i could have done a whole lot worse raising you. and for the record, i never left you in the liquor store — i always left you in the car. ha!

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